While we're feeling all apocalyptic

From way back in 1983, here's Nena and 99 luftballoons.



- Mr. Ed

Snicker doodle

For the most part, I’ve always eschewed the strictures of recipes – lists and instructions, tish! – for a more organic apporoach to cooking. I’ve always favoured the finer measures of taste or smell over the crude teaspoon or, dare I speak it’s name, the millilitre. That’s is, until recently, when I started baking. On the face of it, baking is more science than art. Woe betide those who wield a rolling-pin in anger, but lack skill with the measuring cup – theirs is the way of tooth-shattering breads and indigestable pizza doughs. It’s true that, at times, my science has suffered because I’ve lacked the precision that biochemistry requires; and I’ve found baking to be a similarly exacting taskmaster. Lately, however, I’ve come to enjoy the delicate tinkering and tuning each recipe requires to be it’s best. And far from restricting one’s creative side, I’ve found that baking provides plenty of opportunities for flair and expression, with seasoning and presentation, for example.

So, this may go some way to explaining why I’m making sugar cookies. Some way, but it doesn’t really get to the bottom of it, the nub of the issue. No, to plumb those depths, we’d have to explore the realm of my unfinished thesis, and all the anxiety, bad grammar and procrastination that entails. No, far better to simply say, “I am making sugar cookies - goddammit" and leave it at that. Now, the keen-eyed readers will have noticed that the post is entitled snicker doodle, and the British readers will be wanting me to get on and explain what that means. Well, snicker doodles represent the snow-capped summit of the sugar cookie kingdom, and it is precisely these sweet and cinamony delights that I’m preparing today.


- Mr. Ed

Some perspective

Or, no matter what happens, couldn’t it always be worse?
Has the current stand off between the US and Iran over nuclear weapons got you down? Do you worry about the escalation of the violence in the Middle East in general? Well, perhaps this will help ease your mind; it could all have been so much worse. Don’t believe me? Well, then read on.

The other day, I found the 1984 TV film Threads on GoogleVideo - and surprisingly enough, I even managed to sleep after watching it.

Set in the early 80’s, Threads follows two Sheffield families from the start of a US-Soviet confrontation in Iran to the inevitable (so it would seem) all out thermonuclear war. Needless to say - from it’s setting, it's grim up Norf, through to the precipitous descent of Britain to a barely literate, disease-ridden, post-apocalyptic wasteland - it’s not exactly uplifting. Being a BBC production, and one from the early 80’s at that, the budget was pretty slim, and at times it shows. However, the program was exhaustively researched, including data from operation Square Leg and even (alledgedly) a consultation with Carl Sagan. To this day it's considered to be a fairly accurate picture of what nuclear war, 25 years ago, might have been like for the people of Britain. In short - really fucking bad.

So, if you’ve got just under two hours to spare, you need some new nightmare material (or you just have a morbid fascination with nuclear war like me and Bluecupboard) then why not give it a watch?

On a side note, some P Club readers might remember a certain smarmy Religious Studies teacher (Mmmmm geeeentlemeeeen) showing us a clip of this video in the 4th form. Highlights of that showing included, if recall correctly, everyone falling about laughing when a woman pissed herself, after seeing a mushroom cloud erupt behind Mothercare. E-gads, we were a heartless bunch.

Not letting the bad thoughts in,

- Mr. Ed

Sparklehorse!

I have young Chives Eclair to thank for putting me on to Sparklehorse a while back. Last night I went to see them (him) play at the Music Farm. It was a really good show, though it could have been longer, they only played for about an hour or so.

Highlights included some great stuff from the first album and the drummer's utterly adorable little daughter, who hung out on stage for almost all of the show.




If you don't already own dreamt for lightyears in the belly of a mountain, what the bloody hell is wrong with you? Go and purchase it at once - you won't be sorry.

But if you was a horse...

- Mr. Ed

Oh no...

Bad news from our asinine brethren in Ireland:

"Receptionist Irina Legova said that Mr McCarney had told her that the donkey was a breed of “super rabbit” which he was bringing to a pet fair in the city. The court was told that the donkey went berserk in the middle of the night and ran amok in the hotel corridor, forcing hotel staff to call the gardai.
McCarney was found in the room wearing a latex suit and handcuffs, the key to which the donkey is believed to have swallowed. He was removed to Mill St station after which it is said he was the subject of much mirth among the lads next door in The Galway Arms. He was fined €2,000 for bringing the donkey to the room under the Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837."
Read it all here.

Although this begs a number of more pertinent questions, I have to ask, how did the donkey end up swallowing the key?


Both amused and disturbed,

- Mr. Ed


Image from Naklar.com

More on the Horse/Car debate

In response to the headroom issue so practically raised by Chives, here's another solution, found in a small, Kia taxi in Saigon. Simply freeze-dry your braying buddies, then place them on the dashboard. Then recreate a lush meadow with some plastic rice paddies and a Buddha.


- Scout
Saigon, Vietnam

Now get out of my way before I set fire to you...

You're not Bibby Pevis are you?


No. I'm Chives Eclair

Re: the on-going horse/car debate

I give you, Patches the horse. His owners may have found a solution to the vexing head-room issue that Chives Eclair raised yesterday. They also address the question of what a hungry horse might eat, while on the road...


let's go git us a cheeseburger!
- Mr Ed.

In response to the bluest of cupboards.

Here be evidence that the more discerning of ponies will naturally employ a lacky to perform the driving function on their behalf.

Quite how discerning it is for any pony to make the journey to Krakow in a Skoda is certainly an issue that will run and run. Theres just no headroom.

Chives, disgustedly, Eclair

Ou sont mes nouveau pantalons...

As I was taking a casual canter through the hypernet today I chanced upon this little piece of video excitement. I believe it hails from way back in 1976 when, to a young man with a Ferrari (or possibly a Mercedes), anything seemed possible, even an early-morning cross Paris dash of such startling lunacy as could only be pulled off by those with the most terrifying of handlebar moustaches or the lushest, deepest of shag-pile sideburns. I think this later turned up as a Snow Patrol video, but here is the original- C'etait un Rendez-vous, for all your pony pleasure. Horseys sure don't drive like this!*



*There is, of course, some debate about whether horseys drive at all. This may ultimately need to be the subject of a Pony Club Brand Poll at some point , although with any luck we will have photograhic evidence before this becomes necessary.

-Bluecupboard

Why Chuck is all right

Screen grab from the Weather Underground.

I'm off to sun myself in the park!

-Mr. Ed

While we're all feeling french................

I leave you all with this ditty as I leave for Oz for a couple of weeks to investigate some mutterings of possible pony cruelty.



Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Lamb

Colin

Toujours l'amour

Happy Valentine's day, a day late, from Simon. Simon doesn't care that he's a day late - he thinks Valentine's day is stupid. And it is really, isn't it? Yes, you're right, that is a pretty cool chocolate fish next to Simon. What's even cooler is the fishing trivia on the back. I found it at Eckerds, it must've been a hot item (who doesn't love chocolate and fish?) since it was the only one left.

Life is like a chocolate fish in a box,
It's never quite what it seems.

- Mr. Ed

Scouts Foreign Report 3: Hanoi & Sapa

I had a short and relaxed flight from the Laos capital to Hanoi with a lovely sunset and mountains peaks rising above the mist. The taxi from the airport was less relaxing. I had to barter with the driver to take me to the old quarter for a set price rather than getting ripped off on the meter but this meant that he decided to try and set his personal best time! An average of about 70 was set and I have no idea how he avoided the hundreds of mopeds and even wooden carts that seem to frequent the motorway.

Hanoi is unbelievable - the old quarter is frantically busy, full of mopeds and produce with narrow streets lined with shady hanging trees. The french influence is obvious and you still see old Vietnamese men shuffling along with berets and goatee beards.

After a couple of days I took the overnight train to Sapa with some friends I originally met in Thailand, another couple and an Aussie guy. Had a good laugh on the sleeper and arrived in the misty cold north - literally a few miles from the Chinese boarder. A minibus took us up through the rice paddies and the fog to Sapa, an old French strategic mountain town. It feels like an Alpine ski resort with cosy cafes serving hot chocolate by the fire and stunning views all around. We hired motorbikes and went with a guide to discover the mountains and valleys.

You will see the photos of the Zao people who came down from China in the 13C. Many of the the tribal people have become very used to tourists and westerners - some of them demonstrating a good understanding of English, French, Spanish, Vietnamese and their own Chineese dialect. After a hard day selling their handicrafts the girls end up on the pool table where they inevitably wipe the floor with the likes of me!




Scout. Reporting for the Pony Club. Sapa, Vietnam

Chives Eclair's Musical Handbag vol.4

A multitude of slightly erotic thankings to Mr Ed for his kind braying on this, a most special day. I must admit that your Chives awoke this morning to a nosebag carrot-full of goodness and at a sprightly canter went forth to locate the soundtrack to such sunny lookings and thinkings. Lo and bloody behold then, but here it is. The first single taken from The Shins' nouveau album, Wincing the Night Away. Totally pony.

Clicking here will make it happen, when Chives couldn't....


My day went downhill when this happened however:











Tatty-bye,
Dave Cake

On this day

In 1911, a terpsichorean ecdysiast, known as Gypsy Rose Lee was born. It also happens to be the birthday of one Chives McFarrel St. John Sunderblast Eclair III. You may know him as Chives, Chivey, Chavvy chives, Eclair, Eclairy, Eclastaplast the-faster-plaster, Christopher Eccleston, Edward the confessor or Bill Oddy. But none of those are his real name. No, his name is Chives McFarrel St. John Sunderblast Eclair III. Got it? Right then.

Whatever you're name is, many happy returns me old china.

- Mr. Ed

Larking About, Monkey Business etc.

This one is also worth a watch.

- Philip

Multi-link-tastic Monday

Charlie Brooker, regular Guardian contributor and creator of the sublime satire TV Go Home*, weighs in on the Mac vs. PC ads featuring Mitchell and Webb. Here'a a hint - he doesn't like them.

- Mr. Ed

*Never read TV Go Home before? May I suggest you start at the beginning of the archive? You'll be glad you did.

Scout's Foreign Report 2: Vientiane

On arrival, the capital of Laos looks and feels like a total shit hole. Give it a day or two and it emerges as a very interesting and laid back city. There are remnants of the French colonial influences everywhere, mixed in with the decaying communist concrete.

I'm fresh from a canter round the history museum. Turbulent history? I should say so. Everyone and their mates have had a piece of Laos/Vientiane - the Vietnamese, Siamese, Khmer and French have all bullied and looted. Finally Laos was shat on by the U.S., prior to the inevitable Soviet legacy. The museum itself reminded me of the war museum in Havana, where their detailed battle models recreate proud victories over oppressors. The comments book was also interesting, a Greek woman complained that the museum was dirty and dusty. The next comment, by an American, reminded her that the country has seen less than 20 years peace in the last century, and suggested she get over a bit of dust. As a campaigner against the war in the region at the time, he thought that the comment represented the West's lack of understanding of the consequences of war.

That aside, I have been enjoying supping delicious, cold 'Beer Lao' on the Mekong riverside bars, delightful French food (even a Provencal restaurant) and was invited to a party at a palatial Laos house by friends we made at a local club.


Vientiane's own Arc de Triomphe - erected after beating the likes of...er
the French? They used concrete from a U.S aid package given to rebuild airstrips!


'Pha That Luang' the gold monument with the chuffed fella that built it in the 16th Century

My next report will be from Hanoi, prior to heading to the North Vietnamese mountains on the Chinese boarder.


- Scout

Reporting for the Pony Club, Vientiane, Laos, SE Asia

Plus ca change

Plus c'est la meme chose. Mac have Mitchell and Webb doing the Mac vs. PC ads in Britain now - sort of like The Office, but in reverse.





This one is slightly more amusing.

- Mr. Ed