Chuck Norris

You know the nomination race is heating up when Chuck Norris gets involved. For the uninitiated, Chuck Norris has been an internet phenomenon for a while. Tales of his great strength, skill and roundhouse kicks have been found on message boards and forums for years now. To illustrate this point, here are some of my favourite Chuck Norris Facts:

1. Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.

2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

3. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

4. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

5. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

6. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

7. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

8. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

9. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

10. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

11. The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

12. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

13. Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

14. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.


So that's all well and good. But what is the deal with this campaign ad featuring Chuck Norris?



I have a sneaking feeling the evangelical movement (Huckabee's main constituency) is unlikely to be well versed in Chuck-trivia. So is this a stroke of genius, madness, or desperation on the part of the Huckabee campaign? I suppose we'll have to wait and see...


- Mr. Ed